The Family-Ness (TV Series 1984 - 1985)





 

Plot

At last the story of the Loch Ness Monster is revealed! Not just one, but a whole family live in the depths of Loch Ness just below Inverness in Scotland. The monsters all know that they must have nothing to do with humans, it is a strict rule, until, that is, the day they meet Elspeth and Angus. They are the two children of Mr McTout - the keeper of Loch Ness, who certainly doesn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster!
In the first episode, Angus finds Silly-ness, who has got trapped in a big hole on the side of the loch. After helping Silly-ness escape before anyone else spots him, the queen of the Nessies gives the two children secret thistle whistles, which they can blow whenever they need help from the Nessies. Having blown their whistles it is then we discover for the first time just how populated the loch is! A wide shot of the loch reveals well over 100 Nessies (Yes, I've counted!), and in the following episodes, we get to meet the  regulars.....

 

Episodes

1. Elspeth and Angus Meet the Loch Ness Monster
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 5th October, 1984

 

Episode One is where we first meet the Loch Ness monster - or rather the whole family. One day whilst Elspeth and Angus are playing down by the Loch side they spot a large mound, only it isn't a mound it's Silly-Ness, who's always getting stuck in holes. For helping to rescue Silly-Ness, the Queen Nessy gives the children two "Thistle Whistles" (The thistle being the symbol of Scotland). When ever they need help they can just call on the Nessies. So they blow the whistles and we see just how many Nessies there really are in the Loch.



2. Professor Dumkopf's Underwater Telescope
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 12th October, 1984

 

Professor Dumkopf is up to his old tricks searching for the Loch Ness Monster, this time with an underwater telescope dangling from a balloon. Scared that Silly Ness might give the game away the children call on the Nessies to warn them. Fortunatly Ferocious-Ness - the original Loch Ness monster comes to their aid.



3. Elspeth and Angus Buy a Puppy
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 19th October, 1984

 

A gypsy is passing the loch, and Elspeth and Angus are appalled that he has a poor wee dog attached to the caravan who is being made to run along side. They ask the gypsy if they can have the puppy, and he says they can buy it. As they don't have enough money Eager-Ness searches on the bottom of the loch for coins. Most of what he drags up are bottle tops, however there is one gold coin.



4. Ferocious-Ness Changes His Colour
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 26th October, 1984

 

Ferocious Ness likes to hide in bushes and scare passers by - that is until he shows off the fact he can change colour and finds he can't change back again. It's up to Angus and Elspeth to hid him until he does.



5. Ferocious Ness and the Look-a-like Contest
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 2nd November, 1984

 

When Ferocious-Ness happens to sit on the children's model of the Loch Ness Monster, he has to take it's place in the Monster Look-a-like competition. And gets very annoyed when he doesn't win!

6. Clever-Ness Helps with the Homework
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 9th November, 1984

 

When the two children struggle with their maths homework, Clever-Ness helps them work out their problems.



7. Speedy-Ness Saves The Day
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 16th November, 1984
Mr McTout enters the local Bagpipe competition, but when he gets on the bus forgets to take his bagpipes with him. Only Speedy-Ness can help, along with an enthusuastic Sporty-Ness.....



 

8. Ferocious-Ness Loses His Roar
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 23rd November, 1984

When Elspeth and Angus find Ferocious-Ness hiding in the bushes squeaking to himself, they help the queen prepare a soothing concoction to help his throat.



 

9. Baby-Ness Gets The Measles
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 30th November, 1984

Elspeth and Angus can't find the Nessies, until they spot Careful-Ness hiding in the woods. It turns out Baby-Ness has given them all measles. The two children go to buy sticky sweets to cheer Baby-Ness up, but on their way they are spotted by nasty Willie McFuzz, son of Sargent McFuzz, and his friend Tubby. The two follow Elspeth and Angus to steal their sweets - not bargaining for finding a huge spotty monster at the end!

 

10. Silly-Ness And The Bubble Machine
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 7th December, 1984

Professor Dumkopf has another silly contraption - this time he has bought all of Mrs McToffee's Sherbert Fizz, and has invented a bubble machine which creates giant bubbles. When he finally succeeds in capturing Silly-Ness, Elspeth and Angus must act quickly to save the day.



 

11. Ferocious-Ness And The Sound Machine
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 14th December, 1984



12. Clever-Ness and the Curling Championship
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Friday 21st December, 1984



 

13. The Maze Of Urquhart Castle.
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 3rd January, 1985

One of the weaker storylines in the series, The Mayor visits the castle to open the new maze whilst a film crew are recording for the local evening news. Everyone gets lost on their way out, so Elspeth and Angus call on Clever-Ness to help them escape the maze.



 

14. Professor Dumkopf Makes A Monster Film
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 10th January, 1985

Ferocious-Ness disrupts the Prof's plans to make his own Loch Ness Monster film, and ends up upsetting Her High-Ness as well.



 

15. Professor Dumkopf And His Amazing Cannonball
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 17th January, 1985



16. Sporty-Ness And The Highland Games
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 24th January, 1985



 

17. Hungry-Ness And The Diving Bell
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 31st January, 1985

Captain Standfast brings a diving bell and crane on to the Loch in a secret mission. Elspeth and Angus offer to help, and to their horror realise once they are out on the loch that the Captain is planning to photograph the Loch Ness Monster.



 

18. Professor Dumkopf And The Hungry Monster
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 7th February, 1985



19. Clumsy-Ness Upsets Captain Steadfast
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 14th February, 1985



 

20. Angus and the Monster Kite.
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 21st February, 1985



21. Captain Standfast And The Golden Key
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 28th February, 1985



 

22. Thirsty-Ness And The Part-Time Witch
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 7th March, 1985

Elspeth and Angus discover a path leading to a hidden cottage. They meet a part-time witch - she's also a bus conductor. She is trying to make an invisibility spell, but is having not much luck, as she is missing an essential ingredient - a spot from the tail of the Loch ness monster. Elspeth and Angus go and call on Ferocious-Ness, who gives them a spot from his arm. The witch tries the potion but finds that only her bottom half disappears, as the spot wasn't from the tail. She decides to give up on magic and tips her caldron over, the liquid pouring into the loch. Thirsty-Ness appears and having drunk the water promptly disappears - well half of him anyway!



 

23. Baby-Ness and the Mayor's Statue
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 14th March, 1985

Baby-Ness goes missing and horror of horrors gets into town and Mrs McToffee's Sweet shop.



 

24. Captain Standfast And The Stowaway
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 21st March, 1985

Her-Highness decides to pay a visit to her cousin in China and stows away on Captain Standfast's boat headed out to sea. Unfortunately she forgets her handbag and it's up to the Children to get it before the boat leaves dock.



 

25. You'll Never Find A Nessie In A Zoo
First Broadcast - 4.10pm Thursday 28th March, 1985

Nessies

 

Baby-Ness
The youngest of the Nessies, Baby-Ness is very cute without any teeth, but you wouldn't want to change his nappy! Unfortunatly he managed to give all the other Nessies measils, but got better when Angus & Elspeth bought him a whole jar of sticky sweets.



Careful-Ness
Well, the name says it all really, seen here hiding in the woods after an outbreak of measels, caused by a certain Baby-Ness.....



 

Clever-Ness
A bit of a brain-box, Clever-Ness carries a range of tools and equipment about him, and can no doubt be found conjouring up inventions at the bottom of the loch. Clever-Ness helped the children with their homework, by counting on an abacus of other Nessies!



Eager-Ness
A good Nessy that is always willing to help when the children get in a scrape. He helped the children buy a puppy from a tinker by collecting coins from the bottom of the loch. Unfortunatly he collected mostly washers and bottle tops, along with one very useful gold coin.



 

Eyewit-Ness
With a patch over one eye, Eyewit-Ness looks very much like a pirate.... as demonstrated on the credits to the program where he steals the notes for his lunch!



Ferocious-Ness
Ferocious-Ness is the original Loch Ness Monster, and enjoys nothing more than scaring people around the loch. Despite his evil look and roar, he is quite a friendly Nessy, and always gets on well with the children. After accidentally sitting on and squashing Elspeth & Angus' model monster, he stood on their float and won 3rd prize in the Loch Ness monster look-a-like contest. He has the uncanny ability to change colour whenever he chooses in order to hide from people on the loch-side. In one episode he changes so much he forgets how to change back again, and has to hide to avoid being caught.



 

Grumpy-Ness
Ba Humbug! Grumpy-Ness is, as you can well imagine, not the nicest of the Nessies. The Victor Meldrew of the loch, always in a bad mood and always moaning on about one thing or another. A Nessy to steer well clear of, even when he's having a good day!
Grumpy-Ness appears in "Silly-Ness and the Bubble Machine". He appears out of the loch when the children blow on their secret thistle whistles, and isn't pleased at the interruption. Whatever that silly professor is up to now, it's not of interest to him.
With his scarf and walking stick, he seams to be a bit of an old Grandpa figure, always going on about the good old days when we had to work down the loch for tuppence an hour day in day out; I don't know - these young Nessies don't know they're born.....



Heavy-Ness
A big Nessy, Heavy-Ness can always be found trying to get Silly-Ness out of Holes along with help from Mighty-Ness. Probably brothers



 

Her Highness
Her majesty, the ruler of the Nessies is very graceful, and first gave Angus & Elspeth their thistle whistles to thank them for saving Silly-Ness. She can also breathe fire - A novel trick she learnt from an old Chinese cousin, and very useful to keep one's self warm during the cold highland winter.....



Lovely-Ness
The Beautiful Lovely-Ness certainly gains the attractions of all the other Nessies, which is hardly surprising, as she seams to be the only female Nessy, apart from Her Highness. And in a loch that size, is probably related to all the other Nessies.....



 

Mighty-Ness

Along with Heavy-Ness, Mighty-Ness is always being called to help Silly-Ness out of holes.

 

Silly-Ness
Silly-Ness is always getting himself onto scrapes, and stuck down holes. Elspeth & Angus first met the Nessies by helping Silly-Ness out of another hole.



 

Sporty-Ness
Being a loch based dinosaur type of creature means that Sporty-Ness engages in a lot of water sports. He is especially good at water-skiing, and likes to show off. However this is a bit careless on a loch popular with anglers, and has often been spotted by fishermen. Fortunately, no-one would believe that the Loch Ness monster would be water-skiing, well where on earth would he get the speedboat?!

Humans

 

Elspeth & Angus McTout
Angus and Elspeth are the son and daughter of Mr McTout, they live in a little cottage by the side of Loch Ness. They first discovered the Nessies when they stumbled into Silly-Ness whilst playing. Silly-Ness was stuck in a hole on the side of the loch, and after helping to release him, became friends with all the Nessies.



Mr McTout
Mr McTout is the keeper of the Loch, and can often be found practicing on his bagpipes. He does not believe in the Loch Ness monster, and thinks that he, if anyone will be the first to see it. Little does he know.....



 

Sargent McFuzz
The Local constable, based at Inverness police station, PC McFuzz often has to deal with emotionally disturbed people claiming to have seen monsters on the shores of Loch Ness. Most, he believes are completely mad, after claims of Nessies trying to drown fishermen whilst water-skiing and those made on April Fool's day.



Willie McFuzz & Tubby
Willie, the son of PC McFuzz is a bit of a bully, and is disliked by Angus & Elspeth with good reason. Along with his friend Tubby, they are always causing trouble.



 

Professor Dumkopf
A mad German sounding professor, who has been thawed by Angus and Elspeth during numerous attempts to catch or photograph the Loch Ness monster. Most notably his underwater telescope and "sherbet fizz" bubble machine which caught Silly-Ness, before shot down by Angus with a Catapult. The prof ended up in his own machine, and was last seen floating in a giant bubble towards Aberdeen.....

Mrs McToffee

Mrs McToffee is the lovely  lady, who runs the village sweet shop, but despite this she cares deeply about the children's teeth!

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Mayor & Mayoress
The Mayor and Mayoress of Inverness are often to be seen at the local fetés and judging the annual Loch Ness Monster competition.